Week One Day One

I did it! I took the first step. And that step was followed by many many more steps. Some of those were even quick paced steps! I jogged!

 

I started the couch to 5k (c25k) program tonight. There are a few reasons why I choose this program:

 

1. I want to finish the Purdue 5k in record time. (Record time for me)

 

2. I am in a competition at work. It lasts 10 weeks. I’m on a team with 3 other people. We have goals that include water intake, sleep, eating vegis and fruits, and exercise.

 

3. My dad has offered up a challenge. I gave him a goal of the weight I would like to lose by the end of the year. He will give me $10 for every pound lost. However, I owe him $10 for every pound I am away from my goal. For example:
a. I vow to lose 50 pounds
b. I lose 40 pounds
         i. Dad owes me $400, however
        ii. I’m shy 10 pounds so I owe him $100
       iii. That’s subtracted from his $400 so
       iv. I get $300
 c. If I lose 25 pounds it’s all a wash
 d. If I go over my goal of weight loss, dad will give me $20 per pound
 e. That money will go towards a vacation for me! I plan on celebrating my loss! Who wants to go with me??

 

I feel fantastic having actually started something. I have a plan to follow, which is really good for me. I tend to veer off path when there’s no direction. I downloaded a c25k podcast to my iPod so all I have to do is push play and the lady with a nice charming accent tells me when to walk, when to run, and gives me encouragement. I’m currently using my treadmill but when the weather gets nice I’m looking forward to going out on the Millrace. I hang out with my new friend, who I am going to call Penelope on good days and Freaking Bitch on bad ones, 3 times a week. My plan is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. There are a couple Sundays in there I’ll have to step it up but I don’t think that’s until week 5 or so.

 

Right now I’m concentrating on the next 10 weeks. I have a goal of losing 15 pounds during the competition at work. C25k is a 10 week program. It works perfectly. I also hope to have pictures hung on my walls in the next 10 weeks. I’m more worried about that one! Haha!

 

My legs are already starting to feel sore. Guess I’ll be taking some ibuprofen and heading to bed. Curious to see how I feel tomorrow 

 

One for the money

I’ve never been a tea drinker. Didn't care for it. Why would I want to drink watered down flavor when I can have a Diet Coke? My view point is being slightly shifted. Theresa (an amazing lady I work with) gave me a variety pack of tea for my birthday. She has had stomach problems and told me that drinking tea was always soothing to her. She also got me a pack of Rolaids ;-) The Peppermint tea and the Ginger Twist tea are so good to my stomach. Gertie has a tendency to make me nauseous so those two really help with that. There’s also a Lemon, Cinnamon Apple, Orange, and Quietly Chamomile. I haven’t tried any of those yet. I’ll expose myself slowly. To the tea. Not nakedly. Geesh.

Speaking of Gertie, she’s coming out Friday September 18th at 2:00pm. Dr. Ranzinger is my surgeon. I work with him at the Cancer Center and I adore him. He says she needs to come out and I agree with him. I’m so tired of feeling sick. Constantly nauseous. Everything I eat makes me sick. Pain. All that together makes me tired so I just want to sleep. I asked Dr. Ranzinger what he thought about Leroy. I wanted to make he wasn’t going to poke him while in there and tick him off. He said that Leroy is on the back side of my liver and he won’t be anywhere near him. He also agrees with doing another MRI in December. Technically, 6 months out would put me in January but I’m going in December since I’ll have already met my deductible. This stuff is expensive.

Taylor had his doctor appointments in Indianapolis this week. He had the needle in the muscle test, which is extremely painful for him, and they met with the Neurological Doctor. Last time they did the needle in the muscle test it showed that the muscle was done. It wasn’t trying anymore. Well, this time it showed it trying! Wonderful news!! You never know what a 10 year old boy can do!

Does every girl want someone to send her flowers? Or is that just me?

You know that dinging sound your car makes when you leave the keys in or the lights on? I take that for granted. It’s saved me a few times.

You can’t make something be there when it’s not. No matter how hard you try. You know, like a cookie.

Fall is my all time favorite season. I am so stoked!! Seriously. I love going to pumpkin patches. Hayrides. Bonfires. Corn mazes. I love it all!!

I turned 30 last month. Made me think of past birthdays.

6th or 7th – Chuck E. Cheeses (which I’m pretty sure was called Showbiz at the time). My mom was sick so my dad and favorite seester had to step in.
13th – We camped out in my backyard in a pop up camper. We tp’d the house behind us. We realized that they would figure out who it was so we also tp’d my own house. You know, to throw them off the trail.
14th or 15th – Eric Leichty rubbed the wall of the basement and said “Oh Sandy!”
16th – Party at the lake with the girlfriends. I’m sure we went to Tippy that night. I mainly remember Johnna dumping her plate into her lap and having ketchup in her belly button.
19th – That’s the one my parents forgot. It was a period of me doing stupid things though so it’s alright.
21st – School buss. All I can say.
23rd – I think that’s when I made out with the ugly guy at The Frog.
25th – We went to The Frog and everyone dressed up.
30th – Was amazing! Had an awesome party at McKees with my friends. My mom and sister planned an amazing trip to Ft. Wayne. And, the wonderful people at work threw me a surprise party.

Looking back on the years, I have decided I can’t complain. I’m so blessed.

A Mother Always Knows

First I'll tell you the clinical findings from my MRI. Then I'll tell you my thoughts and feelings. Just so you know, this is gonna be a long one. You may want to get a snack.

The MRI wasn't really as scary as I thought it would be. Then again I took a Xanax and that probably helped. A lot. I started out with my eyes open but when I got into the tube and I couldn't see anything but the machine anymore, I closed my eyes. And kept them shut. I had an IV with contrast again but they put the contrast in much slower than the CT so it wasn't so bad. I could taste it but it didn't make me want to pee my pants. I had headphones on so I could talk to and hear the guy that stayed in the side room. Wimp. He told me when to hold my breath and when I could breathe again. It took about an hour. Afterwards I went home and slept. Good times.

Ready for the big words? I have a 4.3 cm (that's small) mass within the lateral segment of the left lobe of my liver. There is suggestion of a central small, linear-shaped enhancing scar. Findings are suggestive for focal nodular hyperplasia. However, fibrolamellar hepatocellular carcinoma cannot be ruled out. As well as the right lung nodule, I also have a right pleural effusion. Recommend follow-up MRI of the liver in 6 months

Did you get all that? Let me break it down for you. Focal nodular hyperplasia is the second most common tumor of the liver. It is found most commonly in women in their third or fourth decade of life. It is a benign (non-cancerous) tumor. It rarely grows or becomes malignant. Let's pray for that one!!
Fibrolamellar hepatocellular carcinoma is an uncommon malignant (cancerous) neoplasm of the liver. I've looked into this one more but I don't want to share more unless I have to worry about it. Let's just hope it's not what I have to worry about.
Lung nodules are small masses of tissue in the lung and are quite common. Pleural effusion is an accumulation of fluid between the layers of tissue that line the lungs and chest cavity. Put bluntly, it's fluid around the lungs. Pleural effusion is an indicator of a pathologic process that may be of primary pulmonary origin or of an origin related to another organ system or to systemic disease. That last part doesn't sound so good. I'm glad mine's tiny. I also read that liver disease is a cause for pleural effusion.

How do I feel about it? I get that question a lot. I've been doing fine. The doctors think it's nothing. That should be good enough, right? My body has cried wolf before. I had a polyp removed and the surgeon really believed it was cancerous. It turned out to be nothing except for a pain in my ass. Literally. My dentist saw a mass in my jaw on a routine x-ray. That came back fine. And I got my wisdom teeth cut out. It was a good deal. The cells found on my cervix became healthy on their own. I've been telling everyone not to worry. I'm fine. Stuff like this happens to me all the time and it always turns out fine.

Then, on Sunday night, I let my mind wander. I let myself think "What if?" What if it doesn't turn out fine this time? What if it's not so easy? Am I really ok with waiting 6 months? A lot happens in 6 months. My birthday. Labor Day. Florida trip. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year's. Then I realize that I have a lot more questions. Why can't they rule cancer out? Aren't they pros? How serious is the pleural effusion? Can it be coincidence? What is 6 months gonna show? Are we waiting for it to grow? What if 6 months is to long to wait? Am I willing to risk that?

That's when I realize that I'm a lot more scared than I even let myself believe. I hadn't really sat and thought about it. Everyone was telling me that it would be ok. I was telling them that I was fine. Problem is, I never really asked myself. Sometimes I don't like my own answers. So, as I lay in bed last night I had a conversation with God. For those of you that know me and my past, know that's tough for me. We had a good chat. Of course, I did all the talking. He's a great listener. We made me cry. Realization is a rough moment. I was finished with my talk and was trying to calm down so I could sleep when my mom knocked on my door. She had some laundry to bring in. I said thanks and she turned to go. Mothers always know. She came back in, sat on my bed, and held me. I needed that.

I feel weird being scared about it all because when everything comes back fine I'll just be another over-reactive patient. Working where I work does not help the situation though. Everything aside, I am giving myself this moment to be afraid and fear the unknown.

Today I talked with one of the doctors I work with. He's looking into my issue. I questioned a biopsy. He says since the mass is small that I really wouldn't want to go through with poking my liver. It's not a fun process. He sticks with waiting. I brought up the pleural effusion. He says we'll do a chest x-ray in 3 months and see if it changes. He's going to share my case with another doctor and let me know what they think. I know I'm in the best hands possible. I know I can trust him with my life. Which, is pretty much what I'm doing.

I have a feeling that this is gonna be a roller coaster ride for me. I ask you, up front, to bear with me. I'm gonna keep my positive thinking because that gets me through the day. Not just with my health. With my life. I ask for prayers and support. Oh, also, we named the tumor today. I'd like you to meet Leroy the Liver Lesion. Some will say that's weird but it's the way I cope. You can just ask Polly ;-)

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hope it was enlightening. Love you all!

Peace out!

Wow. Has it really been that long?

I seriously don't even know where to start. A lot has happened since my last post. So much so that I'm afraid I'm going to have to just start over. Here's a quick, real quick, recap.

• I moved in with my parents
• My grandmother passed away
• The economy went to crap
• I've lost no weight
• I fell down the stairs at work
• Got a new girl at work and I love her!
• Got married
• Wait, no I didn't. Not in the real world at least
• Grew my hair out
• Getting ready to cut it
• Quit smoking
• Remember I lost no weight? Well, I put some on since quitting
• Helped my friend birth a beautiful baby girl! A highlight of my life so far

There's a little of what's been going on. So, what have I currently been up to you ask? Good question! Let me tell you!

I enjoy living with my parents. For the most part. It's really not as bad as one would think.

I've been enjoying the lake as much as possible. I haven't been there in a few weeks. That saddens me. Being there makes me feel at home.

I was sick a couple weeks ago. It wasn't pretty. We thought something might be wrong with my gallbladder. We did an ultrasound and through that we found that there were "spots" on my liver. I had a CT scan last Friday to follow up with that. That was a very scary test. It really scared me mentally. I know now what my patients go through. That test showed fatty tissue on my liver, which gives me more reason to lose weight. It also showed areas of concern therefore I am having an MRI tomorrow morning. I'll be honest. I'm nervous. It's complicated. I'm sure I'm fine. But still.

Anyways....I turn 30 next month. That's weird. I'm still trying to figure out what I wanna do. It's a big number so I wanna make it good. I think mom and Christy are working together to set something up. Maybe for the first time I won't have to plan my own birthday. Then again, I'm such a control freak that I'm sure I'll end up doing it.

Work has been good but stressful. There are times I want to work somewhere where people are healthy. I get tired of them dying. I couldn't do it if it weren't for the girls I work with.

Alright, I'm done for right now. It won't be long until I post again. Hopefully ;-)

Amazing Race for Life

When: May 1, 2009
Where: Downtown Goshen
What: Supports Relay For Life of Elkhart County South
Theme: Superhero’s
Uniforms encouraged. Be Creative.

*Prizes*

Gather a team of 2-6 people to "race" around town in a scavenger style competition.
Entry donation of $25 per team.

For info contact Tracy Geiser at tgeiser@goshenhealth.com or
574-536-4488

So I didn't make the first time....

Alright. I admit it. I totally fell off the wagon. Actually, the wagon turned around and ran me over. I have friends on the wagon. They're hollering at me to get back on. They're holding out their hands, trying to help me. What do I do? I just lay there. Wallowing in my own self pity. Using the fat of my arm as a pillow. I tell myself I'm comfortable. I know it's a lie but it works. At least for now. Not as much as before though. I know I failed. I'm ready to try again.

Isn't that what life's about? Failing and then getting back up, dusting yourself off, and trying again? Or is that just me?

Christmas is not about what present you give or receive. It isn't about how much money you have to spend. It's about family. Friends. Love. Which is a darn good thing because I have no money for any of that present stuff. I do, however, have a lot of love to pass around and hugs to share.

The boys and I are hoping for a lot of snow in the next few days. We are so ready to go sledding!!! I love it! And, it's great exercise walking up the hill 50 bazillion times. Anyone is welcome to join us sledding. All I ask is that you actually sled ;-) None of that sitting in your car crap. You know who you are ;-)

7 Wonders Of Tracy

Blah Blah 7 things about you Blah Blah tag other people

Something like that. I didn't copy it.

1. I used to sleep walk and I still talk in my sleep. I have walked out of hotel rooms and locked myself out. One time, my friend informed me, I got up and started jumping. I thought I was on a trampoline. I can hold a conversation in my sleep. Not sure how much sense I make though. I have woken myself up before by yelling at something.

2. My cousin talked me into peeing in my snowsuit to stay warm. I was around 5 years old. I was warm for maybe 30 seconds then it froze. Very miserable. The same cousin also tried talking me into eating poop. Thank goodness I didn't fall for that one.

3. I have an aversion to turning left. I will turn right and drive around the block before I turn left. If I am already on the street and only have to turn in front of one lane of traffic, I'm fine. I have hyperventilated before. I get worked up. It's not pretty. Ganger hated it.

4. I have an anger problem. I take drugs for it. I've gotten pissed off at a pencil that rolled off my desk before. It had no right to fall on the floor and make me bend over to pick it up. Yeah, it's that bad.

5. I set my playroom on fire when I was 5ish. I liked to play with matches and birthday candles. I kept it under control for so long. Then, on that fateful day, the candle burnt down to far, the flame licked my finger, and I dropped it on the shag carpet. Mom and dad came running in and were able to stomp the fire out. I was sent to my room. My father came in to punish me and I thought that burning my finger was punishment enough. My parents didn't see it that way. I believe I am still grounded to this day.

6. I have psoriasis on my arms, in my belly button, in my ears, and on my scalp. It's very very very dry skin. It itches and hurts.

7. I was born with black hair. It went white when I was 8 and has been gradually going darker ever since. I had blonde hair with really dark eyebrows growing up. People wondered if my mom bleached my hair. She didn't. I now color my hair and am not really sure what my natural color is anymore.