Monday, July 28, 2008

No mas Topamax!

I'm done with the Topamax. I had an allergic reaction to it Friday night. I was sitting there watching tv and next thing I know my throat is swelling up. I was having a hard time breathing and swallowing. I texted Deana to see what I should do. She told me to take Benadryl. Of course I didn't have any at my house so I had to make a trip to Walgreens.

On my way to the store I notice that I can see my cheeks. Normally, when I look down, I can see an outline of my cheeks. Not this time. I had a full mountainous view of them. I pulled down my visor to check out my face. Yup. It was swollen too. My heart was beating so fast. It was not a good time to have a panic attack. I go into Walgreens and demand Benadryl from the Pharmacist. He didn't ask why. Guess he saw it in my SWOLLEN FACE!!!! I purchased my drugs and a Diet Coke and as soon as I got in my car I took two pills. Now what?

I didn't want to be alone, in case it got worse and I could no longer breathe at all, so I went to Mark and Brandon's house. I hung out there until my Benadryl started kicking in. My throat started loosening up. I could breathe better, and the Benadryl was starting to kick my sleepy butt. I decided I had to drive home then and there if I was going to make it home at all. I made it home. Don't really remember the trip though.

Deana said not to go to sleep until my throat was unswollen. I fought to keep myself awake until I felt safe enough to fall asleep. I slept hard. My alarm went off at 9am and I did not want to get out of bed. But I did. And I worked at the fair. And I babysat Lilly. And I crashed Saturday night.

Moral of this story is I will never be taking Topamax again.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Starting Out

For those of you that know me, know that I struggle with my weight. I have for the past 10 years. It's just been a fact of life for me. Well, I am going to change that fact! I am taking charge of my self and am finally doing something about it. Sure I've tried different things in the past. Weigh Watchers, Abs Diet, Curves, etc... They all had their short-term postive outcomes. However, the after effects were disasterous. I would lose 10 pounds and put on 20. Now, I'm not the best at math but even I know that's bad. Real bad. Next thing I know, I'm up to the weight I'm at now. Are you curious what that is? Me too! I haven't fully decided if I'm gonna share that secret yet or not.

You may be wondering why I'm so willing to put something so private out in the open. I'm asking myself the same thing!! How scary!! One word: ACCOUNTABILITY. If I'm telling all you guys about me doing this then I have to stick with it and do it. Does that make sense? I got the idea from a woman who works for a Chicago magazine that is doing the same thing. I figured if she could do it then so can I.

I will be posting my thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. My plan is to keep this updated as often as possible and post a picture from the start, middle and end. I am looking for encouragement and words of wisdom. I am not looking for "I told you so" or anything negative. If you want to make fun of fat people, this is not the place to do it. I will first shut down my blog and then find you and sit on you. Consider yourself forewarned.

The program I am doing is called PositiveLite and is offered through Goshen Hospital. Since I am a colleauge there I get a really nice discount, which helps tremendously. It's 6 months long. I meet with a doctor, nurse practioner, personal trainer, and dietician at various times throughout the month. They have a workout facility that is open to me and a counselor that I can talk to when I feel the desire.

I had my first consultation with Dr. Hawkins on Tuesday. He is a funny guy. Kinda out there actually. We talked a lot about me. He said I have a great personality for poor weight management. That's always nice to hear. I guess OCD only takes you so far. We discussed my migraines. He put me on Topamax. It's supposed to help migraines and seizures. It also substitutes as a weight loss drug. It has some frightening side effects. I started it Tuesday night. Looking forward to the craziness starting. Sometimes my mind gets to spinning, I get really sleepy, and I start slurring my words. Good times. Can't wait till I have to double the dose next week. Memory loss and suicidal thoughts are two prominent side effects. I told the girls at work that if I don't show up some day that they better check on me. I may have tried to kill myself or I just plum forgot to come into work. Either way, I'll need help. (In case you didn't know, joking is my way of coping)

I had my first fitness training consult today. The lady, I call her "The lady" because I don't remember her name, is really nice. We sat and chatted for a little bit then onto the machines. They have their own facility right there at the center. I tried and learned every machine there. We devised my workout plan. I will start on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Then work my way through the 8 machines that exert all my muscles. Last but not least I will do sit-ups with the help of a giant ball that I have an unhealthy fear of falling off of. I need to do this routine 2-3 times a week and the days I am not doing it I am supposed to walk for 30 minutes. I can totally do that, right??

I'm starting to get nervous.